Just when you think you’ve got your head sorted out after many years of trying, you find yourself walking into a crowded staffroom and hurling your lunch across it, injuring someone on the arm in the process.
Follow that with a frantic, screaming, chicken dance as you try to dash out of the room past people equally determined to confine you in it, and altogether, post incident embarrassment levels can be pretty high. Not a good start to the day.
Thank goodness for Trina and her School Office level-headedness. She placed firm hands on my shoulders, pirouetted me round and off we doh-see-doh-ed to the Head’s office. Not for a reprimand, you understand. As the only unoccupied room with a shut-able door.
I knew, as I leaked mascara onto Trina’s cream jumpered shoulder, that I wasn’t sure what I was crying about. And that I was making a terribly loud noise. And that I hadn’t any more self control than the little ones who she usually gives comfort and sticking plasters to. Only today, sticking plasters weren’t going to help.
And it was such a minor thing that triggered it off. “The straw that broke the camel’s back” Trina soothed, gently patting my own back. “And probably Hormones,” I mumbled, “don’t forget the Hormones.” Then chuckled snottily to think that the imminent end of womanhood should provoke behaviour akin to a child’s.
After a short while I crawled back into the almost empty staffroom to find someone had gathered up my mangled lunch and placed it carefully in the fridge. Colin the Caretaker was surprisingly philosophical and, unusually, passed up the chance to take the mickey. “It gets you like that sometimes, don’t it,” he nodded. “Just a good job you weren’t having something tinned”.
You gotta larf. Laughter, the best medicine and all that. Within half an hour I was fielding jokes about designated hard hat areas and was faintly amused to note that my husband, who knew nothing about the incident, had sent me a PMT joke in a text. Which had come through three times. “Don’t worry about the bruise,” Sharon told me, “I’m not bothering to put it in the accident book.” I gave her a tangerine and a bunch of red roses.
I went straight out after work and bought two packs of multi-vitamins and the largest tub of primrose oil capsules that Sainsbury’s had to offer. And two bottles of Piat D’or Red. Full of iron, it is.
I’m not really sure whether primrose oil works. Is it a fallacy? Is the improvement all in the taker’s head? Maybe I should run a trial with a placebo – Jelly Tots might work just as well and be considerably cheaper. Who knows? The wine was good, though. So was the sound night’s sleep I had afterwards. And the week has gone on to get better and better, as my sense of proportion has returned and the Big Things I had to deal with have been ticked off the list. Today we are back to full sanity, or at least, as close to it as I will ever get.
So Eid Mubarak everyone, peace be upon you.